Clickbank Sucks

Clickbank decided to write back to me and gave me the patronizing 411.

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Hello Christopher,

There is nothing to fix in your account because it is not broken. If you are not currently finding success, you may wish to consider altering your advertising campaign. There are a variety of ways in which you may promote your hoplinks. How many or how little of the available methods you choose to employ is purely up to your discretion. Some examples of how you might advertise affiliate hoplinks are through the use of Google Adwords, online banner ads, and e-mail newsletters.

Be sure the ways you choose to promote your products is in compliance with our Client Contract (http://www.clickbank.com/terms.html).

We have collected some resources that you might find helpful in understanding how to maximize your opportunities. For more information, please visit the following page:

http://www.clickbank.com/affiliate_resources.html

Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance!


Sincerely,

Lyz
Senior Customer Service
ema@clickbank.com

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I guess I'll have to reply.

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Hi Lyz,

I don't appreciate being patronized since we should be considered business partners. The fact that you can say this to me is a slap in the face to my intellect. Don't you find it exceedingly odd that I had a three day stretch of zeros and right around the time you replied to my complaint I got a sale?

Hmmm. Tell you what Lyz. I'm a mathematical guy. Why don't you get out your Statistics and Probability textbook and calculate the odds of this happening? Tell me, what is the probability of that happening as some sort of natural fluctuation?

How about this? Take a look at my pay period ending February 18th. I had a decent week and a new pay period starts and I get a zero for 7 straight days. Please calculate the probability of such a thing happening and show me how that is in the range of a natural fluctuation.

Or how about you explain to me why my sales improve when I send complaint emails and tank when I don't? Just run that by me. I want you to prove it to me mathematically.

What you don't seem to understand is that I can check up on the payment processor It's the same way the SCC can check up on investment banks. They look at the ranges of probability and since things can be such a statistical improbability, I can tell when things aren't working. So when you tell me that there's nothing to fix, that's a slap in the face to my intelligence. It may not be technically my "account", but there's something causing me not to make money. I don't care if it's the tooth fairy or a midget, I want it fixed.

Don't dare patronize me, especially when you're talking about MY MONEY! I do my homework.

Chris